San
Francisco, CA — On Monday history was made at the Chapel of Our Lady at the Presidio in San
Francisco as the first-ever state recognized human-animal marriage took place.
Local
resident 35-year-old Paul Horner was the groom during the ceremony. Joining him
was his faithful dog Mac who is 36-years-old in dog years. Mac also decided to
be the groom but ended up wearing a white veil at the last moment.
Father
McHale who officiated the outdoor wedding told reporters he was extremely happy
to be a part of this joyous moment of life. “This is the definition of true
love my friends. There is nothing more sacred than the bond between a man and
his faithful dog,” McHale said. “Now, since it is recognized as a legally
binding marriage in the state of California, Mr. Horner and Mac will have all
the same tax benefits and everything else coming to them that a regular married
couple would receive. It’s a fantastic day to be alive!”
So how could this have
happened?
In
the book of California’s State Laws and Regulations there is a little known law
that was passed as the state was first forming in 1850. According to article
155, paragraph 10, it clearly states:
If
a man and a man can get married and a woman and a woman can get married, if
ever comes that day, then a human and animal will have the exact same rights to
marriage in every eye of the law. God help us if this ever is to happen!
In
attendance was Horner’s entire family who flew in from Hawaii to witness the
event. Mac had her puppies on hand and making a special celebrity appearance
was Alex from Stroh’s and
Spuds Mckenzie.
“I
just love my Mac so much, I can’t wait till we can finally get back to the
honeymoon sweet in Montana where bestiality is legal. Gosh, get with the times
California! We can marry here just fine, but love making is a big no-no,” said
Horner. “People keep asking me why I wanted to marry a dog. I told them I just
want the same god given rights that every person in California is allowed to
have. Don’t tell me I can’t marry my dog. I don’t tell you that you can’t marry
a 500 lb woman with gas issues. That’s your decision. Don’t tread on me. I love
my dog and I know he loves me a hundred times more than any gay wedding out
there.”
With
this wedding between a man and a male dog now on the books, one can only ask
what is in store next?
A
man marrying a toaster? A toaster marrying a dog? A toaster marrying a toaster?
America,
what happened to the sanctity of marriage? Tsk. Tsk.
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